Dear Reader,
Beyond the Instagram Post:
5 Hard Truths About Moving Abroad as a Black Woman
The social media narrative is alluring: a Black woman, glowing and serene, sipping wine on a European balcony, finally living her “soft life.” This idealized vision of moving abroad has captivated many, promising an escape from burnout and a direct path to peace. But the reality is far more complex and demanding than a curated Instagram feed suggests.
The truth is that building a sustainable, fulfilling life abroad requires a strategy, not just a suitcase. This article pulls back the curtain on that process to share five surprising and impactful truths for anyone, particularly Black women, considering a move abroad. Think of this not as a deterrent, but as a dose of reality—because true empowerment begins with preparation.
The “Soft Life” Is Built, Not Found
The desire for rest among Black women is not laziness; it is a profound and necessary response to years, often decades, of living in survival mode. The concept of a “soft life” abroad is a valid and powerful aspiration for those seeking to escape constant exhaustion.
However, there is a crucial distinction to be made: rest is a season, not a long-term strategy. A sustainable life abroad cannot be built on vibes alone. It requires infrastructure—a reliable income, access to healthcare, a supportive community, and, most importantly, legal status. The goal isn’t to escape work entirely, but to design a life that is no longer governed by a constant state of fight-or-flight.
The real “soft life”: It’s not about doing nothing. It’s about designing a life where you don’t have to be in constant fight-or-flight. That requires more planning, not less.
The Paperwork Is Only Half the Battle
When you begin researching visa requirements, you’ll find plenty of online checklists. The problem is that these lists often only get you about 50% of the way there. This “50% Problem” lies in the details they omit: the mandatory certified document translations that cost hundreds, the apostilles required for every official paper, the hidden consulate fees, the multiple trips to the consulate, and the expedited shipping you’ll need when timelines get tight. They won’t tell you that documents like background checks have strict “validity windows” that can force you to start the entire costly process over if there’s a delay.
But the logistical hurdles are only the beginning. The deeper challenge is the emotional one. Once the visa is secured and the flight has landed, you are faced with building a new life without the “scaffolding of everything familiar.” This brings an unexpected and profound loneliness.
I wish someone had told me that the first few months would be lonely in a way I wasn’t prepared for. Not because I didn’t have people around—but because I was building a new life without the scaffolding of everything familiar.
This feeling isn’t just about missing people; it’s about grieving a version of yourself. Even if you were desperate to leave your old life, you will grieve it. You are leaving behind the person who knew which doctor to call, where to get her hair done, and how to navigate her world with unconscious ease. The process of discovering who you are without your familiar environment is the real work of moving abroad.
The paperwork is the easy part. The real work? It’s the inner work.
Your Identity Gets a Complicated Remix
One of the most profound shifts you’ll experience is how your identity is perceived. In the United States, a Black woman often navigates the world with her race as the primary lens through which she is seen. Abroad, that can change dramatically.
When you walk into a room abroad, your American-ness walks in before your Blackness does. And that changes everything—in ways that are both good and complicated.
This creates a “privilege/prejudice paradox.” Your U.S. passport and fluency in English can grant you a form of privilege that may be entirely new. However, this is not a simple escape from racism. It’s critical to understand that the way a country treats Black American expats is often vastly different from how it treats its local Black populations or immigrants from African nations. For instance, a country like Italy may celebrate Black American travelers while simultaneously exhibiting well-documented racism against African migrants. This creates a complex and sometimes uncomfortable ethical dynamic you must be willing to witness.
For Black women considering a move, the question isn’t, “Is there racism there?” The more strategic and realistic question is, “What kind of racism exists, and can I build a life and find community despite it?”
“Universal Healthcare” Has a Blind Spot
The promise of universal healthcare is a major draw for many Americans looking to move abroad. But access to a system is not the same as access to quality, culturally competent care.
Universal healthcare sounds amazing—until you’re a Black woman with a fibroid sitting in a doctor’s office where nobody believes your pain. No, this did not happen to me! However, being 'heard' is a real concern.
Free or low-cost healthcare does not eliminate the potential for medical bias. Many doctors in European or Asian countries are trained primarily on white bodies and Eurocentric medical norms, which can lead to significant gaps in care for Black women. Specific areas of concern include:
- Dermatology: Many doctors are not trained to diagnose common skin conditions like eczema or hyperpigmentation on melanated skin, leading to potential misdiagnosis.
- Gynecology: The well-documented dismissal of Black women’s pain for conditions like fibroids, PCOS, and endometriosis is a global issue, not just an American one.
- Mental Health: Finding a local therapist who understands the nuances of both racialized trauma and the unique challenges of the expat experience can be incredibly difficult.
The most practical approach is to be proactive. Get a full, comprehensive health check-up before you leave, stock up on any necessary prescriptions, and research doctors through Black expat groups in your target city. A critical piece of risk management is to budget for private care as a necessary backup plan and choose expat health insurance that allows for medevac or treatment in major medical hubs like London, Dubai, or even back in the U.S.
“Cheap” Is the Most Expensive Mistake You Can Make
There is a common, and flawed, approach to planning a move abroad that can set you up for failure before you even start.
If the first thing you Google is ‘cheapest places to live abroad,’ you’re already starting wrong.
Leading your search with cost is a trap. Locations with a low cost of living often have hidden expenses that aren’t financial. These “costs” manifest as concerns for your personal safety, unreliable infrastructure that disrupts your work, critical gaps in healthcare, or deep social isolation that damages your mental well-being. As the source author puts it, “You didn’t leave America to struggle somewhere else—you left to live.”
A more strategic framework is to lead your search with quality-of-life factors first. Create a shortlist of places that meet your non-negotiable criteria for Safety, Healthcare, Community, and a clear Legal Pathway to residency. Only after you have identified countries that can truly support you should you begin comparing the cost of living. The goal is to thrive, not just survive.
I’d rather pay more to be somewhere that supports my life than save money somewhere that drains it.
To be clear: moving abroad is not a vacation. It is a profound act of life design.
It is an opportunity to consciously and deliberately build a new reality for yourself, piece by piece. The process is challenging, and the reality is often messy, but the potential reward is a life lived with intention.
Moving abroad won’t solve all your problems—but it might give you the space to finally build a life on purpose, not by default.
Ciao,
